How Fake Orgasms Hurt Your Sex Life
Allow us to state the obvious: orgasms are amazing! They’re referred to as a “climax” for a reason…they’re supposed to be the satisfying conclusion to sexual arousal and pleasure.
Orgasms are also one of the best methods of communication with your sexual partner. They tell your partner that they’ve been able to please you, perform well, and satisfy your sexual needs.
But what if we told you that orgasms have a dark, mirror opposite?
Fake Orgasms
Simply put, a “fake orgasm” is when a person “fakes” or pretends to have an orgasm by imitating the physical symptoms of an orgasm.
A person faking an orgasm can moan, buck their hips, curl their toes, or make their legs quiver. They perform the motions of what they think they would do while in the grip of powerful pleasure, but usually they are feeling little or no pleasure at all.
Now, if you’ve never faked an orgasm before, this probably sounds weird and unnecessary. You might think that very few people fake orgasms and that, if they do, there must be something wrong with them.
But what if we told you that fake orgasms are incredibly common?
A 2019 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior extrapolated statistics from their sample survey size, and stated that an estimated 60% of women have probably faked an orgasm.
Another study done by the University of Kansas polled a group of 101 female college students, and found that 50% of them reported faking an orgasm.
Similar studies have shown that men fake orgasms less. A study published in Journal of Sex Research found that 28 percent of men have faked orgasms.
A University of Kansas study discovered that 25% of men faked orgasms.
On average, most studies report that around 60% of women fake orgasms, and around 30% of men do.
But…
Why do People Fake Orgasms?
Psychologist Peter Jonason, from Western Sydney University in Australia, carried out a study where he surveyed 650 people specifically about faking orgasms.
He gave each participant a list of 37 reasons why a person might fake an orgasm, and the participants indicated which reasons they believed justified the times they faked orgasms in the past.
The results were enlightening.
- The number one reason for a person to fake an orgasm is to make their partner feel better. Simply put, the person faking an orgasm wants their sexual partner to think they’ve done a good job at pleasing them.
- The second most popular reason for faking an orgasm is due to sexual boredom. The partner faking the orgasm is bored of the sexual intercourse session, and pretends to climax so that it ends as soon as possible.
These two reasons are cited as being the most popular reasons to fake an orgasm in other studies as well.
It seems that people believe that faking orgasms will make their partner feel better about their sexual prowess, or that it will make things less awkward after sex.
It also appears that people view fake orgasms as a “get out of sex” card, something they can do to end a disappointing sexual experience.
But, while there might be good intentions behind these two reasons, other studies have shown that faking orgasms is actually not a good thing!
Are Fake Orgasms Bad?
The effect of fake orgasms on relationships has been the subject of much discussion among psychologists, sex therapists, and couple’s therapists.
They have discovered that faking an orgasm can lead to:
According to choosingtherapy.com, faking an orgasm can lead to feeling less “present” during a sexual experience because you’re performing or faking instead of enjoying it. This can actually affect your ability to feel real pleasure.
According to marriage.com, lack of communication in a relationship can actually be fatal to a relationship and studies report that it’s one of the leading causes of marital problems. Faking an orgasm is a major contributor to a lack of communication, as you are essentially lying to your partner about enjoying your sexual experiences together.
In a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers Ryan M. Ellsworth and Drew H. Bailey found that women that fake orgasms are more likely to cheat on their partner. This makes sense when you think about it. women fake orgasms more than men, and people who fake orgasms are already willing to be dishonest to their partner during their most intimate moments. If someone is willing to lie about enjoying sex to their partner, then they would most likely be willing to be dishonest in other ways too, including cheating on them.
In a Hungarian study, researchers Krisztina Hevesi and Zsolt Horvath, among others, discovered that people who fake orgasms once are more likely to fake orgasms again and again, even with different partners. This will make the other problems we’ve mentioned previously even worse.
Simply put, faking orgasms hurt your sex life because they will cause you to enjoy sexual experiences less, they will cause a lack of communication in your relationship, they will make it more likely that you will cheat on your partner, and they will lead to faking orgasms more frequently and with your future sexual partners.
So, it’s clear that fake orgasms can be harmful. But is there any way to prevent this habit from forming?
Fixing the Problem
To address the problem of fake orgasms, we have to understand that fake orgasms are often a symptom of a larger problem.
Let’s go over some of the reasons why people fake orgasms again, and let’s discuss some ways to address these problems:
The leading cause for people faking their orgasms is to make their partner feel better. According to a study published in an issue of the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, many women fake orgasms to protect their partner’s masculinity.
As the study suggests, this can either be because the male partner actually feels like less of a man or that his masculinity is threatened, or it can just be because the female partner believes that their male partner’s masculinity is being threatened.
Solution: Couples Therapy
In a study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy “Fostering men's emotionality in and outside of therapy has been proposed as a way to improve men's well-being and relationships and promote gender equality.” So a good way to address “fragile masculinity” or “threatened masculinity,” is to encourage men to be more emotional inside and outside of therapy, which could also decrease the need for faking orgasms.
The second most common cause for fake orgasms is sexual boredom. Sexual boredom can come from many places but the most commonly cited source is a monotonous sexual experience.
When sex is too “vanilla,” or feels like “the same old thing,” you are deeply in trouble. Things get stale, they plateau, and you feel like sex is a chore.
Solution: Spice things up!
Now we're getting to the fun part! The best way to avoid boredom in the bedroom is to try new things!
Try New Sexual Positions
If you want to avoid sexual boredom, you have to take a good look at what you’re doing between the sheets.
And one of the most important questions is, what positions are you trying?
The Missionary Position is the sexual position that most people start off with and, according to research it’s the position that most people stick with for the rest of their sex lives.
In case you didn’t know, the Missionary Position is when two partners have penile and vaginal intercourse while facing each other.
In a study, published in the National Library of Medicine, it was discovered that the most popular sex position is the Missionary Position with the person who has a penis on top.
But, like anything else, the Missionary Position can become boring if it’s the only thing you try.
In order to avoid this boredom, you should branch out!
There are all sorts of sexual positions you can try, from Doggy Style, the famous 69 position, and the cowboy (cowgirl, or cowthey) position.
Have we piqued your interest? Then check out this great article on the most popular sex positions.
Experiment with Sex Toys
If you’ve never tried sex toys before, then you aren’t serious about addressing your sexual boredom!
Sex toys are an amazing way to refresh your sex life, reinvent your experience with your partner, and reignite your passion!
Studies carried out by Brewer and Hendrie 2011; Richters et al. 2006; Wallen and Lloyd 2011). Wade, Kremer, and Brown (2005) asked people how often they orgasm during partnered sex. The findings are shocking. A whopping 91% of men report usually or always orgasming during sex with a partner, but only 39% of women reported orgasming.
This “orgasm gap” is caused by a wide variety of factors, but research suggests that the main reason is that penis owners don’t take the time to stimulate vulva owners’ clitorises.
Sex toys are the perfect way to address this problem.
With the right sex toys, a person with a vulva could stimulate their own clitoris without relying on their partner.
But what kind of sex toys should you use?
Our Star Recommendation: BUD
BUD is a rabbit vibrator that incorporates tapping, vibrating, and a sliding beaded ring.
And, as if all that weren’t enough, it also has a vibrating flower bud designed specifically to please your clitoris.
With all these kinds of stimulation packed into one amazing package, you’ll never have to worry about sexual boredom ever again!
Why fake an orgasm when you can have a real one caused by quadruple stimulation?
Find out more about this amazing sex toy here!
Try Clit-lickers!
Oral sex is amazing, unfortunately, not every partner is willing to give oral sex and, if they are, they might not be good at it.
That’s where clit-lickers come in! These amazing sex toys are designed to simulate and replicate the feeling of an experienced tongue pleasing the clitoris.
Try Couples Vibrators!
Couples vibrators are vibrators that are designed to please two people at once!
This can mean anything from vibrating nipple suckers that can be worn by two partners, to vibrators that are long enough to stimulate two people at once:
The world of couples vibrators even extends to remote control vibrators, where you can control your partner’s pleasure!
And even to wearable and panty vibrators that can be even controlled when you and your partner are out in public!
With so many options to explore, there’s no reason to experience sexual boredom!
Try Cock Rings!
Like we mentioned previously, one of the most common reasons to fake an orgasm is to make your partner feel better about their performance.
If your partner has a penis and isn’t performing as well as they, or you, would like, faking an orgasm won’t solve the problem.
But cock rings might!
Cock rings are exactly what they sound like: rings that fit around a person’s penis to make it harder and keep it erect for longer periods of time.
With harder, more long-lasting erections, your partner’s performance might increase, leaving you with no reason to fake orgasms at all!
Find out more about cock rings here!
In Conclusion
Fake orgasms are a symptom of another problem.
If you’re faking orgasms regularly, it could be a sign that you’re bored sexually, that you are trying to make your partner feel better, or that you want to avoid any awkwardness of post-sex moments.
Remember, while you may be faking orgasms with good intentions (like getting out of a boring sexual session or not letting your partner know they’re not performing well), you can cause harm to yourself and your relationship by doing this.
But, hopefully, one of the solutions we’ve gone over in this article can help you avoid faking orgasms, and help you address the problem!
