Taking It Slow and Steady: How to Have Tantric Sex
There may come a time in your life when you just want to slow everything down, breathe, and appreciate all the little things. If this is you and you’re tired of the same old ‘pump and dump’ routine in the bedroom, then tantric sex could very well be what you’re looking for.
You may heard of it and wonder, ‘how to have tantric sex?’ What is it, and is there anything you need to get started? In this article, we’ll show you how it’s done and the important things you need to know.
What is Tantric Sex?
First, let’s clear any preconceived notions about tantric sex. If the words ‘tantric sex’ mean some weird, pseudo-sex crap that involves hypnotism and whatnot for you, then it’s best to get that out of your head. Also, tantric sex is not frantic sex- it’s quite the opposite.
If you’ve ever tried meditation and have experience getting into a mindful zone, then you’re on the right track. Tantric sex is actually the opposite of a quickie- you and your partner won’t have to rush to the finish line, i.e., orgasm and go about your day. There’s no time limit or constraints to what constitutes tantric sex, and if you have enough free time then you can probably do it for hours on end.
Tantric sex is defined as ‘mindful lovemaking’ where the physical aspect is just one part of the equation. Rather than focus on orgasm and ejaculation, the purpose of tantric sex is to enjoy each other in an intimate way and explore the sensual aspects of sex. Along the way, you can weave in a few things to change up the setting, including sex toys, positions, and doing it on a tantric sex chair. Your favorite sex doll shop.
How to Learn Tantric Sex Quickly
It’s quite ironic to want to learn about a slow and intimate process as quickly as you can, but who can blame you in this fast-paced society? That said, there are several ways you can rush through the process and become more learned about tantric sex.
The first way is to attend a face-to-face session with a professional. You can book an appointment with a tantric sex therapist and learn about mindful exploration of the sensual self in person. A few sessions should be all it takes to give you and your partner the confidence you both need to try it. Attending tantric sex therapy can be one of the best ways to learn about tantric sex if you have the budget for it.
You can also browse through book shops and ebook websites and purchase the best books on tantric sex. Find out which ones are worth buying based on the reviews of customers. Tantric sex for beginners is recommended for starters, while those who’ve had a session or two can get books that teach advanced tantric sex techniques.
How to Have Tantric Sex 101
Before you even attempt tantric sex, there are a few things you should know and prepare for. Setting a good time, creating a safe and comfortable environment, meditation and breathing techniques, and incorporating sex toys are just some of the more substantial items you should tick off the list.
When is the Best Time to Have Tantric Sex?
One important thing to note is that tantric sex shouldn’t be rushed, or sandwiched in between work and daily tasks. You’ll want to do tantric sex when you have at least an hour for yourself and your partner. The longer you can connect to each other, the better the outcome and result.
In fact, you should both be in a state where you’re not constantly looking at the time. A long weekend, a vacation, or a few days off are just some examples of the perfect time to have tantric sex.
Create a Safe and Super Comfy Environment
Make sure you both have all the things you need within easy reach. Fewer interruptions mean greater commune and a state of constant sexual flow. The setting for tantric sex can be as simple or lavish as you’d like, but all in all, it should be comfortable and promote a relaxed state.
The area can be your bed or a small area in any room that you’d like to have tantric sex in. Add a few pillows, light some scented candles, or put on music that’s suitable for the mood. If you plan on adding a massage oil, sex toy, or a tantric sex chair, have it within easy reach.
Also, the room or space should be comfortable, temperature-wise so you’d stay in the zone even when things are getting hot and heavy. Consider an AC or heater (depending on the season) to make the most of your tantric session. Listen to suggestions from your partner on how to make the space more comfortable for both of you.
Get into the Tantric State
Now we’re getting to the core of tantric sex- meditation and proper breathing techniques. It’s recommended that you enter a state of mindfulness even before you start touching each other. Also, you can do mindful exercises where you both clear your mind of worries and allow yourselves to focus on the now.
Breathing is an excellent way to start things. In deep breathing, you inhale long and deep using your diaphragm, hold it for a few seconds, and then let it out forcefully and through the mouth. Anywhere between 4-5 seconds of inhale and exhale should suffice. Then as you do this, consciously relax your shoulders and any part of your body that feels tension.
The ‘breath of fire’ is another breathing technique to activate a mindful state. Here, you change the pace and draw 2-3 deep breaths using your nose per second. Put your attention to your stomach and its movement. After 15-20 seconds, return to normal breathing and keep it that way for the same amount of time. Then, do the ‘breath of fire’ again and you’ll feel the energy surge.
Lastly, you can try an irregular breathing technique that refreshes the mind and gives you something to focus on. Inhale using your nose for about 4 seconds, then hold it for 7 seconds. Breathe out and let the state linger for about 8 seconds for a full cycle. Do this about 3-5 times all the while being conscious of your breath and counting.
Tantric Foreplay and Touch
Once you’re comfortable and relaxed, it’s time for intercourse. By now you would have entered a present state and are fully mindful of the things you’re doing. Don’t forget to control your breathing and center yourself every now and then.
Foreplay can include using all five senses to connect with your partner. Touch, taste, smell, look, and hear, and you’ll begin to see your partner in a new light. The various sensations can excite and titillate, but remember to stay grounded and conscious of the movement and activity. A prime example is to hold your hand over your partner’s heart as they breathe while they do the same. Eye contact is a necessity especially if you’re facing each other.
Gradually increase your actions with a yoni or lingam massage with the goal of connecting and not achieving orgasm. Get some massage oil or a skin-safe lube and experiment with the sensation. Allow yourself to wind down to a mindful state when things start to get frisky- remember, the longer it goes the better.
Tantric sex doesn’t have to be serious- you can incorporate items to make things more interesting or varied. Tantric sex cards and toys that energize are just a few examples. The oil you use should have relaxation properties so you both won’t have to try so hard to get back into a mindful state. If you want some more ideas on how to have tantric sex then we recommend watching tantric yoga sex videos and reading tantric sex books.
Coming and Going, Rising and Falling
The goal of tantric sex is to delay the orgasm and have slow and long foreplay. When either of you are feeling an orgasmic state, briefly disconnect the touch and allow things to simmer down. Lock eyes or breathe each other in while waiting. Otherwise, do slow caresses and focus on other things, like their skin, hair, or lips.
4 Tantric Sex Positions You Can Try
Spooning, otherwise known as ‘tiger position’ in tantric terms, is the ideal sex position for those who want to engage in slow sex. This involves the giver hugging the receiver from behind and penetrating either the vagina or the anus. The close proximity to each other and the speed at which sex goes (it’s hard to do a fast and furious approach) makes it a must-try for tantric sex beginners.
With Sex Toys
Sex toys can definitely spice up the tantric game. Aside from energy-infused or crystal toys, you can add a tantric sex chair, play a game with tantric sex cards, or try different positions until you find the one you like. The same rule applies to playing with sex toys- figure out how it works, add a generous amount of lube, and enjoy the experience. Sex Toy Stores Choices.
The Infamous Lotus
The Lotus is perhaps the most popular tantric sex position there is. It might sound complicated but once you get the positions down pat it will all make sense. The giver assumes a cross-legged sitting position, in which the receiver sits down facing him or her. Again, the close proximity allows for intimate hugging and staring at each other’s eyes. Penetration is done via a slow rocking motion, being careful not to get too excited to orgasm.
Yes, the cowgirl can be incorporated into tantric sex and offer excellent benefits for both participants. The giver lies down on a soft surface and get comfortable, while the receiver assumes a sitting position and ‘ride’ the penis. Hands can be used to caress the skin and other erogenous zones further. Clit stimulation is at a max, so slow down and get off if it becomes too intense.
How to Have Tantric Sex FAQs
How Long Does Tantric Sex Take?
That depends entirely on you and your partner, but the usual range is anywhere between an hour or two to four or five hours. The idea here is to forego the time and pressure and just enjoy yourselves sexually, spiritually, and intimately.
What are the Benefits of Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex is ideal for those who want to slow things down and get on a deeper level with their partners. It eases stress and tension because of the release of oxytocin during the activity. Generally speaking, it’s good for your health and your relationships.
Is Tantric Sex Kama Sutra?
While there’s a tangent relating tantric sex to the Kama Sutra, they aren’t technically the same. Sure, you can get ideas for tantric sex positions in the book, but that’s all there is.
How Do I Prepare for Tantric Sex?
Follow our guide above for recommended breathing techniques and how to slow down. Create a conducive environment where you both can be open and vulnerable to each other. Light some candles, turn on the aromatherapy, and stock up on sensual oils to complete the atmosphere. As an alternative, you can sign up for tantric sex retreats for couples if you don’t have the space.
Can I Use Any Sex Toy in Tantric Sex?
Yes, you can as long as it fits into the theme. Crystals are often the go-to toy, and delving further are crystal eggs or wands that you can use for yoni or lingam massages.
Be a Master at Slow and Sensual Tantric Sex
Tantric sex can be a refreshing change to the rapid pace most couples partake in. It’s like a much-needed vacation but in the comfort of your own bedroom. Remember, the point is to go slow and take the time to enjoy each other’s bodies, as well as your whole beings.