What is BDSM Aftercare?
So maybe you’ve just had kinky sex with blindfolds, a pair of cuffs, and a whip, and you’re feeling a bit down and out after orgasm. It’s your first time doing BDSM and don’t know what to do. Now you’re wondering, ‘what can I do after BDSM sex?’, and is talking or exploring feelings a thing?
In reality, yes, there is such a thing. BSDM aftercare is a post-coitus period (meaning the time you spend afterward) exploring each other’s feelings and emotions. In other words, you’ll be asking questions like, ‘hey, are you okay? ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ or just spending time cuddling and showing affection and attention.
Aftercare is exactly what it sounds like. Although you might get away with it in certain situations, e.g., a quickie in a public space, such as a changing room doesn’t really call for aftercare since time is of the essence, it’s particularly important when it comes to BDSM stuff because of its intrinsic aspects.
In a nutshell, BDSM aftercare is largely considered an essential part of BDSM sex. Let’s tackle the whys, the hows, and the many ways you can practice sexual aftercare after doing the dirty deed.
Why Is It Necessary?
As human beings, affection, and communication are both considered necessities. Cuddling up after sex may not be an option all of the time, or at all for some people, but in the exciting world of BDSM, aftercare is part of the game.
Do you sometimes feel conflicted, sad, or anxious right after sex? It’s a perfectly normal emotion, and what’s called ‘postcoital dysphoria’. In BSDM, experts refer to this phenomenon as a ‘sub-drop’, which is an emotional low after sex, where the person experiences a drop of adrenaline and endorphins. It’s worth noting that submissive partners have a higher chance of sub-drops than dominant ones, and women in particular are more susceptible to postcoital dysphoria.
In hindsight, BDSM aftercare is similar to spooning or cuddling after bedroom escapades, and it’s mostly not because you want to relax or rest after vigorous sexual activity. Here, you reaffirm affection and show each other that there’s more to it than orgasms. This can be done in various ways, from hugging while being silent to a conversation that can last for half an hour or so.
To understand why aftercare is necessary for BDSM, you’ll have to think about BDSM itself. This is a sexual genre that’s more exciting than vanilla sex, but there are certain elements involved that will make you think twice if you wish to try it. There’s the usual dominant-submissive pairing, as well as a degree of pleasurable pain and the use of uncommon sex toys. When done right, BDSM can unlock a whole new level of intimacy and allow you to live your wildest dreams.
So if it’s your first time to try the kink, or have been doing it for a while but haven’t thought about aftercare, then it’s time to incorporate BDSM aftercare into the bedroom.
The Importance of Aftercare in BDSM
Practicing BDSM aftercare offers the following benefits:
- Connects couples on a deeper level
- Provides insights as to the do’s and don’ts on the next try
- Minimizes sub-drops and emotional lows
- Safer BDSM overall
- Extra points for intimacy
Connect on a Deeper Level. Talking about what went down in the bedroom is a good form of communication. You’ll get to understand your partner’s thoughts and what they may have felt differently during sex. Keep in mind that the best time to get feedback on such an intimate level does not happen in casual settings, so don’t skip the aftercare part.
The Do’s and Don’ts of Your Next BDSM Session. Without feedback, there won’t be any improvement, and sex wouldn’t be as good for either participant. BDSM tends to play along the fine line between pleasurable pain and inflicting more than what’s needed. The submissive partner should be allowed time to speak about what they feel afterward so they’re more understood by the other.
Reduce Sub-Drops and Sadness. Aftercare is done to keep your partner happy and knowing that their needs are met. Emotional support is an integral part of sex and relationships as a whole, especially for those who play the submissive part in the game.
Safer BDSM. Now that you know what you should and shouldn’t do, the next BDSM session should be more enjoyable. After all, better sex means greater satisfaction, and you both won’t have to worry about being in an uncomfortable or scary situation.
Extra Intimacy Points. Make sure to grab every opportunity you get. Intimacy is a special factor when it comes to relationships, and aftercare is one of the best times you can ‘level up’ your connection. Simply saying, ‘how do you feel?’ can be a special thing to your partner.
Types of Aftercare
Generally speaking, there are two types of BDSM aftercare- emotional and physical. As you might think, these involve showing physical affection and emotional support, but knowing which one depends on what was communicated and how well you know your partner.
Emotional and physical aftercare often intertwine with each other. For example, the simple act of tenderly kissing your partner’s breasts after having them tied can convey both physical and emotional affection. You show appreciation by highlighting your partner’s best assets, and it’s an act that can lift their spirits. It’s like saying, ‘I love your breasts and I care for them, and I truly appreciate you taking the risk to elevate our bedroom experience’ or something like that.
As always, open communication is such an important part of relationships, and more so in BDSM practices. If your partner is feeling a bit reserved, you can open up first and talk about how you felt while you were being a dom. This can make them feel like it’s safe to talk about their fears and apprehensions, and as a result, they might tell you how they feel as well.
Does Everyone Need Aftercare?
Long story short, you should be doing sex aftercare if you haven’t been doing it already. Aftercare enriches relationships, presents long-lasting benefits, and makes the next sex better than ever!
7 Ways to Practice Sexual Aftercare After BDSM
A Nice, Relaxing Massage
A slow and sensuous massage can be the perfect finisher, and it’s one of the best ways to get intimate after a BDSM session. Buy a massage oil that you both like, and take turns rubbing where it aches and feels good. Get some mood lighting or fire up scented candles to really heighten the experience.
Passionate, Slow Sex
If you and your partner still have the energy to spare, then you can go slow and make out. This way, you can both disconnect from the dom or sub roles and engage in something that’s more normal. If not, there’s still kissing, light touching, and oral sex, just to name a few.
Take a Bath or Shower Together
There won’t be a lot of chances that you can jump in the shower with your partner, and you can get clean and ready for what lies ahead too. The mood can be anything you want- playful, romantic, or just sinking in and feeling the warm water on your skin.
Unbind and Care for Injuries
BDSM is meant to be safe and injury-free, but sometimes minor bruises and wounds can happen. Take the initiative and unbind your partner’s cuffs, gag, or rope, then inspect for injuries. Have a first-aid kit on hand and care for wounds as needed before you do anything else.
Tend to Nourishment
By nourishment, we mean getting rehydrated and consuming much-needed calories after vigorous lovemaking. You can prepare all of these beforehand- cold water or a sports drink, maybe some beer or a bottle of wine will do. As for food, you can have something ready or just order your partner’s favorite dish or meal.
Cuddle and Talk
Remember how we mentioned that communication is important? After sex is the best time to discuss what just happened while everything is still fresh in your mind. However you want to do it, there’s no reason to stand up and be formal- just relax, lie on the bed, and cuddle up for a more intimate setting.
Take a Nap
It’s not uncommon for couples to sleep after a bedroom soiree, but make sure to spoon or cuddle up to get extra intimacy points. Along the way, you can do small talk or turn on the TV for some light entertainment.
BDSM Aftercare - Do It Today!
Getting some love and affection after BDSM shouldn’t be an afterthought, as it brings couples together and allow them to work things out between themselves. There are really no rules as to what constitutes aftercare just so long as you meet your partner’s needs. You can cook up new ways to tell your partner ‘I love you’ once BDSM play is finished, and the more they like it the more your relationship will flourish.
